"Art is the most intense mode of individualism
that the world has known." -Oscar Wilde

Mr Wilde had a gift for stating the obvious.
Notwithstanding those with the minds of  spoiled adolescents,
or those in hormonal throes,
or bipolar's cruel effects on the afflicted and family,
or those native speakers of English who
don't think in their native language,
or those with simply bad behaviour,
or those needlessly afflicted,
by no fault of their own,
were spawned by a bad parent
can erase the smallest bit of this truth.

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Dofaust, artin2007, and older: lightsource,  ainsophaur2 - all mine
....and together with an earlier and long-departed  collaborator -
an unusual and unique musician who also has quite some skills in art...
she is the lady backstage  in the red dress on dofaust... and
she provided a powerful example of a would-be artist's cruelty,
and from one not in the major-league category usually associated
with extreme selfishness and with and similar ego.

More importantly, I am now collaborating with one of the
most popular romanticists on DA, as the illustrator for her
books - one in a few months... the Vampire genre,
and she will be quite worthy to fill the niche left by
she who now wears her religion on her sleeve....

....From my _Circe and Odysseus_  Image:

Circe and Odysseus, actually Moise Ben Odysseus,
are on a side trip to the Levant, where they visit an
exotic place....

I am a sort of Odysseus lite...
many of us of a certain tribe are....
for instance:
we only get to savor our children's childhood briefly,
play with them briefly,
be in their world briefly,
and then off we must go....
driven away, or drawn away...
or the children become someone else,
Lear -like, perhaps,
and, we always know, as the poet said, that.....
"You Can't Go Home Again"




100% Trust In Friends Is Rare, Indeed

My few friends that I trust 100% behave accordingly,
and they never, ever lie to me.
I must hold _those_ few closer than ever.....
It really saddens me to discover that someone I regarded
previously as such, is not such a person.
After many years, and many words,
It is not hard at all to hear between the words spoken
what the others real level of trust and truthfulness is.

Once lost, trust is hard to regain.
Especially when it was a person who had been
a muse, a colleague, a loved partner.
I suppose this will be the end for ever of any virtual
relationships or the like.
THEY JUST DON'T WORK, NO MATTER HOW LONG,
AND WHAT HAS PASSED BETWEEN THE BOTH.


Worse Than Jean Valjean's Judge!

What a difference a few weeks make!
I encountered a judge who was so
ridiculous in her application of the law
that a substantial punishment was meted out for
NO crime or.... evidence ...... and the complete lack of
due process -
NEVER AGAIN A NICE GUY OR GOOD SAMARITAN I WILL BE
ITS TOO DANGEROUS IN MODERN LIVING!!!
after encountering a modern equivalent of
Jean ValJean's Judge
I will forgive, but not forget, nor will many others
yet to be informed in depth of how "law" was misapplied
when the truth of a funny domestic incident
is spread....

I have subsequently talked to a lawyer who worked in her Family Law
court for much of 20 years he worked in Family Law.
He informs me that the judge in question has not changed
in all that time: she is just as lazy (she doesn't actually read the pleadings,
or briefs in any detail - she doesn't know the precedents and Constitutional
Law issues in any case, because she is _far_ indeed from interested in
The Bill Of Rights, and rights of individuals. She may as well be a judge in
Shariah or the Napoleonic system! (She was appointed, of course
with the endorsements of law enforcement - and the non-endorsements
of The Councils of other judges, the ACLU, etc.) In other words, she
is someone who always assumes guilt before innocence, will not
consider new evidence, or exculpatory evidence - a policeman's dream judge!



The power of A Brush (from a comment I made about Magdaursa)

In most ways, the new work is superior to
the photographic reference you used.
Your model is more classically symmetric --
you must already know that ....
This piece as your others,
reminds us of the power of the brush by itself
especially your brush - Maurice Utrillo reincarnated IMO -
the artist with a brush, limited only by imagination,
has infinitely more control
of the subject  than a photographer, who must
show things as they are...

What Makes Me Happy (from a comment to a poll)

Being surrounded by my children
      when they are in a loving mood.
Doing good for others.
Recognizing excellence.
Being productive.
Exposing Evildoers (those who have hurt other people).
Sharing happy times, and enjoying good times  when alone.
When alone, never lonely.



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I am more than little bit a lighter Odysseus...
many of us of a certain tribe are....
for instance:
we only get to savor our children's childhood briefly,
play with them briefly,
be in their world briefly,
and then off we must go....
driven away, or drawn away...
or the children become someone else,
Lear -like, perhaps,
and, we always know, as the poet said, that.....
"You Can't Go Home Again"

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Thoughts on Kink - I dabblle in the genre once in awhile:

n Regard to The Interview By Terry Gross with Ms Febos: The Author Of Whip-Smart:

The other side of the female pro dom scene needs to be presented. Everything that Ms Febos did NOT want to say in her book or interview with Terry Gross-
who should be ashamed for tossing softballs only at Ms Febos  - especially in
regard to the perspectives and issues I raise.

This is a story by a PRO - as in PROFESSIONAL. She provides "professional" services for a fee. A very hefty fee, by the hour, by the way.

I'll call a spade a spade - I'd wager that she treated her clients in a very sordid manner, and cheating and lying may not be too strong words to use, in her client relations, based on her own words, and my long observations with highly skilled fem pro doms. I for one, do not admire her career, and would like to see better and more professional performance and manners - much better, in all that fem pro doms do.

These notes do not intend to cover professional male doms, and their practices. I believe that those who investigate though will find a very different approach by male pro doms. I focus on fem pro doms, first, because I am not gay, and, I  see none of the defects among the gay doms that I see among fem doms. (The pro male doms have their own very distinct defects! I _would_ say, as a rule, that its best to avoid ALL pros in the world of BDSM, unless you can have the best 2% - who surprisingly, are usually not more expensive than the 98% who have extremely varying levels of skills.

Another important tip. The most important one. Play only with amateurs, and only after you have learned the ropes (pun intended) by attending the many fine groups in any large city and many small towns, dedicated to networking and education by and for would-be BDSM enthusiasts. Whatever else one may say about the phenomenon, it can add a dimension to intimacy that takes one to another plane of existence. Education, and intellectual curiosity will be very richly rewarded.

My own theory is that it is the endorphins, plain and simple, that is the key to the popularity of this play. People of all ages are well-known to be easily addicted to endorphins and adrenalin, and this play is undoubtedly and undeniably a means to that end. However, your bod is too important to entrust other than to those you know and trust. So,learn, learn, learn, about safe practices. If you are really curious about a pro dom, and can't wait, try like hell to find an  intelligent and wise dom via the route of the many very-well run and organized BDSM groups - by and for amateurs, primarily.

I'm sorry, but I do not  include Ms Febos in the camp of the wise, and interesting practitioners of this exiting pastime. As in every human activity, it is best done by the wisest, most experienced, most learned, and most imaginative. I observe that Ms Febos career has taken a curve that is almost the rule among doms:  a relatively short career.

Those who are destined for such a long career have those  qualities I mention, and moreover, vastly enjoy their roles. That can never be said about the vast majority of professional practitioners, however much the clients crave that.

I never got the sense, either from the book, or from Terry's interview, that Febos, to put it crudely, ever got hot or wet when she played professionally. She had some vague sense of "control" I gathered, but didn't get much pleasure from it - I'll wager, if she did, she only very rarely conveyed that to her clients. That attitude is a very disappointing one for clients, and unfortunately, is the rule among pro fem doms. They tend to remind me of
robots when in action, almost never talking, giggling, explaining, etc....that only happens - I repeat - only - happens in porn videos. (Which themselves are another rip-off I will resist the urge to digress upon. Except to say that like, all art (?) forms, 98% is dreck, and one encounters the 2% too often by luck or chance, or word of mouth. In short, don't waste your money looking for educational or exciting videos - go straight to the one of the many meetings - often free - by the BDSM organizations.

I have been observing the "scene" for more than four decades. I have talked to those doms who were playing during the earliest times until the play made breakthroughs into the mainstream culture. I have seen and talked with some of the most prominent clinical thinkers and writers  on these subjects. There is no point in talking with pro doms about larger issues. I've tried many times. Their own psychological issues, not to mention their poor education, and very common drug abuse, has invariably warped their thinking. The pro ladies tend to be exceptionally susceptible to drug abuse. Personally I could never understand why that crutch was needed, in such an exciting and emotionally charged undertaking.

The theme I keep returning to is that the scene can only be properly understood, and participated in, by amateurs. A connection of some sort must be formed in order to enjoy this form of sex play. This form of the sex trade is 100% analogous to "vanilla"  sex and intimacy or romance: Its much more exciting, intense, orgasmic, and fulfilling when  there is a _connection_ between those involved. But -- be forewarned: "connections" of any sort or degree of meaningfulness, are rare indeed between a pro and her client. Indeed, they begrudge "connections" and communication. It simply doesn't pay.

Before, during, and after SM play, one must  NOT expect communication. Pros treat it as a waste of their time. Their interest is primarily in finding new meat, to be blunt, or real relationships from among their female clients - almost all the time.

Such a pro should provide a very popular, exciting, one would hope, and competent service - one would also hope. Many do. a large majority do not.
This type of pro should have knowledge of of anatomy and  physiology comparable to almost anyone in the health professions. But- sorry to disappoint the reader, would-be pro doms often, if not usually, never have the qualifications and skills to deserve their $200-300 hr ++.

Many pros are simply given a few hours of "training" - usually a little training in a few tools of the trade, and let loose, on what they hope will be an endless string of unsuspecting and hopeful men. (Men - who should've done "due diligence" before entrusting their lives - literally -  to many who often cannot speak English, and will often ignore "safewords" - they think its more exciting for them to do so. I do not exaggerate: rather than looking at the related porn on the web, consider listening to the interviews with pro doms.

Pro doms are people with no special skills, but just like everyone else, they can not resist the urge of a lot of easy money in a short time. They are human
- but not very likable, in my opinion. They lie and exaggerate and dissemble about important aspects of their play shamelessly, until
they have you in their dungeon, and somewhat at a disadvantage. There is no money-back guarantee either! Be prepared for instance, for the real house rules not to be completely revealed until you have already paid, and are nervously awaiting instructions from the dom.

Please, please, consider an amateur instead, preferably a friend who is curious, and willing to learn...slowly. Remember, a pro dom is NOT your
friend, and never will be. The idea itself is ludicrous.

Also remember, the overwhelming majority of doms and the proprietors of their establishments, are bi- or gay. They simply don't like men very much
especially when it comes to intimate contact. They avoid contact with males, even in states where its legal, except when they are especially
well paid: quite rich gents, or porn producers. They much prefer women. Their advertising, although usually misleading in some important aspects,
usually - explicitly or implicitly, makes it often clear that women are more welcome than men. Indeed, women form almost as much of the bread and
butter for pro doms as men. They get a much better deal, however, with any given dom, check it out....

The more intelligent doms - there are a very few who are well-educated and wise, will concede all that I have said, privately. I note too that those often have the best reputations among the BDSM community for fair dealing. Its a shame that they are so rare.

A book with a balanced perspective regarding the theory and practice of BDSM is needed. I wish there were time enough for such.... I admit to being
more attracted to art and music in my declining years, and too careful perhaps of how I spend my limited time. It is a common personal tragedy
that good BDSM folks almost never have much balance in their lives. Strange how right on were the ancient Hellenes in suggesting a balanced and fulfilling
approach to life....